The 5 Greatest Goals Ever: The Definitive List
“Football's greatest goals all have something in common: each one instantly creates a community, a group of viewers brought together in awe and euphoria. Whether you witness the goal live, or receive a link to it via social media, your reaction is forever the same be it alone or with mates: to exclaim there’s no way we saw what we just saw.”
Musa Okwonga
How do you go about selecting the five greatest goals of all time? How can you possibly be sure you haven't missed at least a thousand that deserve consideration?
Why would you even attempt to take on such a task, knowing full well that every goal that you've left out will only have readers leave your name muddier than the Spartak Moscow pitch that El Fenomeno danced through to our collective delights 26 years ago this month.
The answer, in short? I wrote this during the March International Break.
It's better than engaging in the enraging conversations that happen during that period in football.
Let me preface my choices by saying I've put a big value on not just the quality of the goal, but the stage on which it was scored. You might disagree with that stance, and it's your prerogative to do so, but that's where I'm coming from.
You might not agree with my choices, but I challenge anybody not to enjoy watching every single one of them—be it for the 1,000th time or the first.
Let’s do it.
#5. Juan Mata vs Tottenham Hotspur, 2012
Frank Lampard starts this wondergoal with a sweet delivery into the front post from a corner. On the end of that cross is David Luiz, with an equally sweet header which former Chelsea man, Carlo Cudicini is able to bat away into the air.
What happens next is a moment of true mastery.
John Terry rises into the air like a salmon, but not in order to head the ball. Ledley King gets to that first. Terry, the genius he has always been, crashes into King from behind, sending him tumbling down onto the whitewashed goalline before him. He catches his man perfectly, starting a domino effect, as King lands on top of not just Benoit Assou-Ekkoto, but also his former teammate, the aforementioned Cudicini.
The quartet slam into the ground as the ball lands at the feet of the man that’s set to be called “El Mago” by his teammates in the future, a term which means “the magician” in the imperial tongue.
Juan Mata steps onto the stage.
All El Mago can do is provide us with one of his greatest tricks.
Howard Webb, the referee, stands in shock, staring at this magic moment of genius, thanking the stars that he can be present for this moment. He forgets where he is for but a moment, before remembering that it is up to him to give the fans the sweet release they need. The final piece of the puzzle is there for him to place down.
He points to the centre circle. Goal.
A goal that could truly make you stand up on your feet and say “How did that go in…”
#4 - Piotr Zielinski vs Salernitana, 2021
Every “Greatest Goal” list needs a team goal to be included amongst its numbers, and this one is no exception.
What brings this up a level is the stage. The regional derby between Napoli and Salernitana. Both equal heavyweights of the game.
After some passable interplay by Elmas and Petagna, the ball luckily finds its way over the top of the defence to Piotr Zielinski in space. The man wih the perfect amount of vowels in his name quickly sprays the ball across the goal back to Petagna as the goalkeeper advances out to meet him. Petagna, seeing that he has no space to make the ball fly into the net, ingeniously heads onto the bar so that his teammate Fabian Ruiz can play a simple pass back out to Mario Rui, the left back who’s pushed high in order to receive.
Ruí screams “AVERLO” at the ball and smashes it in such a way that it might fall into the path of the aforementioned man with the perfect vocoids. Ruiz fakes a flick on to draw the attention of both goalkeeper and defender, allowing the ball to find its way to Piotr, who adds insult to injury by slipping the ball past the Salernitana goalkeeper with just enough weight to make him believe he might have saved it.
A wonderful goal from back to front, involving the play of eight of the eleven players on the pitch for Napoli, as well as two Salernitana players. One that should be up there with the greats on any list worth reading.
#3 - Denny Landzaat vs Ajax, 2011
You might look at this goal and say to yourself, “Michael, what is this goal doing here? This is an own goal! How could this be worthy of being ranked amongst the greatest goals of all time? Are you an idiot?”
First of all, it’s very rude to think rude things about someone behind their back.
Secondly, speak aloud, I’m not a mind reader.
Thirdly, you must understand the story of this goal before you can appreciate its true beauty.
Picture this: Your team is a goal down against perennial champions Ajax in a game that will decide who wins the Eredivise. They’ve been looking leaky all day, and are in desperate need of a swift kick up the backside to push them back into the game.
What are you meant to do? Give a rousing speech? Promise bonuses to anyone that scores? Go to each of your teammates individually and attempt to instil confidence in them?
Of course not.
A true leader, a true icon, thinks outside the box.
Denny Landzaat is a true leader. He stepped up when his team needed it. A cross, whipped in from the right wing towards a box filled with no serious threats, steams towards him. Landzaat dives like an eagle that has spotted its prey on the ground far below him, and smashes a header past his own goalkeeper, right into the top corner!
Genius! Landzaat’s commitment shown to this moment of brilliance was the inspiration his team needed. Within a minute, Twente went down the other end of the pitch and scored.
A 3-1 Ajax win and crowning as champions followed, but for just a moment, Landzaat’s majestic leap made his teammates believe they could do the unthinkable.
A goal that made another goal happen. Very few can say they did that.
#2 - Michail Antonio vs Southampton, 2015
When footballers find themselves going through a goal drought, they can need a slice of luck to get out of their funk and go on a scoring run.
In the case of Michail Antonio, sometimes it’s because that moment of magic just wasn’t meant to happen yet.
The then winger, now striker, struggled for games after joining the London club from Nottingham Forest in 2015, with Dimitri Payet, Manuel Lanzini, Enner Valencia and Victor Moses in front of him in the queue for a starting spot in one of the club’s attacking midfield or second striker roles.
In fact, Antonio’s anonymity was enough for fans to trick chairman David Gold into retweeting an appeal for the Englishman as a missing person. But an injury crisis left manager Slaven Bilić with no option but to throw him in.
And boy was he rewarded, with Antonio’s goal against Southampton, as well as being his first for the club, surely also being one of the greatest this game has seen.
On the 28th of December, in the mid-period between Christmas and New Year where magic truly comes alive in the minds and hearts of us all, Michail Antonio burst into the Boleyn Ground box, cutting inside several Southampton defenders, and deciding that since he had no luck with his feet, maybe his best bet was to bamboozle the defenders by forcing them to use their feet and score the goal for him.
Victor Wanyama happily obliged, slipping the ball onto a prone Antonio’s head for his first, and best, in the colours of the bubble blowers.
#1 - Javier Hernandez vs Chelsea, 2010
There may be a slight touch of Manchester United bias in this selection, but it deserves to be ranked amongst the greats nonetheless.
The year was 2010. Chelsea had just won the Premier League, beating Manchester United by a solitary point. Attention turned to Old Trafford, and what signings Sir Alex Ferguson would make to improve his side. He bought four players the following summer. Giants of the game. Chris Smalling arrived from Fulham, while Marnick Vermijl was purchased from Standard Liege. A striker was also signed, one who was hardly an instantly recognisable name.
Not for long.
Javier Hernandez, Chicharito, strolled out onto the Wembley grass like it was a little piece of home. He knew what he was here to do.
Right back extraordinaire, with hair that would drive a Turk wild, John O’Shea plays a ball over the top of Chelsea’s high line. Antonio Valencia has sprinted through the lines to reach it, picking up the ball on the edge of the final sideways checker of the Football Association’s personal board. He takes a touch to set the ball and flashes it across the goal.
Precision perfect, in between a diving Branislav Ivanovic and Hilário, ready to meet its destiny, the ball flew into the baby bean’s path.
A simple future should have laid ahead of them both. A tap in, no goalkeeper present.
But that wouldn’t suffice for the meagre Mexican.
Instead of just tucking it in and saying goodnight, Chicharito decided to take that globe flying towards him and make himself a global star.
Hernandez contorts his body into a majestic stance, one worthy of being the logo of this game we love, much like Jerry West’s in the NBA. Leg stretched out wide to reach the ball, he applies the perfect amount of lift to bring it onto his head as he dives forwards to reach a ball that hadn’t even gotten there yet.
A self-assist, crossed in to himself for a diving header. Never will more be accomplished in one shot than that little legume brought us in this moment.
There are my selections!
Disagree with me? I don’t really care, but you should tell me about it anyway.
No matter what, I hope you enjoyed, and have a lovely April 1st.
🫡